To be in love!

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the bartender, “Give me six double vodka.” The barman says, “Wow! you must have had very bad day.”

 “Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.”

 The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.

 When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”

 On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered six double vodkas. The bartender said, “What the hell?

Doesn't anybody in your family like women?” “Yes, my wife…”

How ease nose congestion

Beauty of the Day

What is in a name?

There was a married couple sleeping and a psycho killer entered into their house. The killer put a knife to the neck of the woman and said, “I like to know the names of my victims before I kill them, what is your name?”

”My name is Elizabeth,” the woman replied.

The killer said, “You remind me of my mother who was also named Elizabeth, so I can’t kill you.”

The killer then turned to the husband and asked, “What is your name?”

“My name’s Phillip, but my friends call me Elizabeth, too.”

My life without liquorice

Beauty of the Day

House chores

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their P.J.'s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!!

He found her lounging into the bedroom, still in her pyjamas, reading a novel.

She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "you know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes", he replied reluctantly.

She answered, "We'll, today I didn't do it!!"

Beauty of the Day

A blonde guy joke

A passer-by noticed a couple of city workers working along the city sidewalks. They were blonde! The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but he couldn't understand what they were doing.

Finally, he approached the workers and asked, "I appreciate how hard you're both working, but what the heck are you doing? It seems that one of you digs a hole, and then the other guy immediately fills it back up again.

One of the blonde guys explained, "The third guy who plants the trees is off sick today."

Beauty of the Day

Black-eyed man

A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”

The boss asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?”

“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”

Beauty of the Day

Shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Shit, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Beautiful women

Beauty of the Day

The challenge

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar:

FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!

So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her."

The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face.

 Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.

The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

Ease joint pain the natural way

Beauty of the Day

Sucker!!

The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk.

The first one out the door at 2:00 o'clock weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car.

Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes.

Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot.

Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away.

Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing.

The policeman asked the man to take a breathalyser test, to which he readily agreed.

When the reading was 0.0%, the policeman said, "How can this be?"

To which the man replied, "Because tonight, I'm the designated decoy."

Beautiful Women

Beauty of the Day

Rabbit resuscitation...

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over.

She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to he car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit.

Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 meters away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 meters, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 meters.

The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, " What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: " 'Hare Spray' Restores Life to Dead Hare. Ads Permanent Wave."

Beauty of the Day

Ask a stupid question . . . . . .

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

Beauty of the Day

Remember when you were little?

The five year old son squealed with delight when he opened his birthday present from his grandmother. It was a water pistol. He promptly ran to the sink to fill it.

"Mom," the father said. "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water pistols?"

The mom smiled and said, "Yes, I remember."

Beauty of the Day

What happened to Harry?

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a hugh buck.

"Where's Harry?", asked another hunter.

"He fainted a couple miles up the trail," Harry's partner answered.

"You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?"

"It was a tough decision," said the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Harry."

Beauty of the Day

What is the speed limit again ?

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem"?

 "Ma'am," the officer replies, you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers". 

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

“But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time”, the officer asks.

“Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

Beauty of the Day

The parrot and the chicken

A man has parrot which swears like a sailor.

The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.

Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.

This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.

For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.

At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.

Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

Beauty of the Day

For King and Country!

A while back there was an opening in the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are extremely difficult to fill, requiring an extensive background check, training, and testing before candidates are even considered for the position. After reviewing several applicants and completing all the checks and training, the field was narrowed to the three most promising candidates. The day came for the final test, which would determine which of equally qualified candidates, would get the job.

The final candidates consisted of two men and one woman. The men administering the test took the first candidate, a man, down a corridor to a closed door and handed him a gun saying, "We must be completely assured that you will complete your assignments and follow instructions regardless of the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife, seated in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man, looking completely shocked said, "You can't be serious! I could never kill my wife." The CIA man said, "Well, then, you're obviously not the man for the job. Take your wife and go home." They brought the next candidate in, the other man, and repeated the instructions. This man took the gun, walked into the room and closed the door. However, after five minutes of silence, the door opened and the man handed the CIA tester the gun, saying, "I just couldn't do it. I couldn't kill my wife. I tried to pull the trigger but I just couldn't do it." The CIA man said, "Well, then, you're obviously not the man for the job. Take your wife and go home."

Then they brought the woman down the corridor to the closed door, handed her a gun, and said, "We must be completely assured that you will complete your assignments and follow instructions regardless of the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your husband, seated in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun, walked into the room, and before the door closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing. One shot after another, for thirteen shots, the noise continued. Then all hell broke loose. For the next several minutes, the men heard screaming, cursing, furniture crashing and banging on the walls; then suddenly, silence. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!"

Beauty of the Day

Talking to me?

A man was traveling north to Alberta. He needed to use the bathroom and so at a rest stop he goes into a stall. He sits down and was surprised to hear someone in the next stall say, "So how ya doing?"

The man gulps and thinks about what he should say and then decides to answer. So he clears his throat and says, "uh....I'm fine."

Then the stranger in the next stall says, "So where are you headed?"

Again the man, a little nervous answers, "Uh...I'm headin north to Alberta."

Then the stranger asked, "So what have you been up to?" Again the man answers, "Not much, I'm actually on a business trip."

The man sat there waiting for another question when finally he heard the stranger in the next stall impatiently say, "Look, I'm going to have to call you back, some idiot in the next stall thinks I'm talking to him."

Sexual harassment

Beauty of the Day

Keep your mouth shut!

There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck. Some time went by, and the case got to court. The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?"

The man replied, "Well sir, it was like this. We was drivin' down the road, mindin' our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pullin' up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was 'most dead, so he shot 'em. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him. Then he came over to me and he said, 'How you feeling?'" "I said, I never felt better in my life."

Beauty of the Day

Slow down, please!

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!" So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said: SLOW--SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster."

So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?" The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.

The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.

The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..." So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:

NUDIST COLONY: GO SLOW AND WATCH OUT FOR THE CHICKS

Eye exercises that work - the Bates method

Beauty of the Day

Do not mess with an earthling

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.'

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.'

What is rocket?

Beauty of the Day

The good golfer

There was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 6 minutes late.

On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round.

Following Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 6 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golf's left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with George always saying that he may be 6 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.

The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was.

They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be six minutes late.

You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?

George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy.

Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.''

''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?''

George replies, ''Then I am 6 minutes late.''

My Hubpages

How to prepare for job interview

Beauty of the Day

Mensa test

This is a test for Intelligent People. I have determined that you qualify. The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you if you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tested whether you tend to do simple things In an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, Put in the elephant, And close the Refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, Put in the elephant and close the door. This tested your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend....except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct  Answer: The Elephant.

The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there.

This tested your memory.

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, You still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage?

Correct  Answer: You jump into the river and swim across.

Have you not been listening?

All the crocodiles are attending the animal conference.

This tested whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers.

AndersonConsulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

Why is arthritis such a common disease?

Beauty of the Day

Cause and Effect

An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not seen each other for many years so they had much to talk about and many old memories to renew. After some time, one said to the other , "If you don't mind my saying so, you don't look very good, you must have experienced some bad luck". "Yes," the other one said, "I have. You see this peg leg? Well, one day I was out on deck and my leg become dangled up in a loose line and it was so badly mangled that they had to take it off at the knee." His friend agreed that was bad luck. The other one continued.

"You see I have a hook for a hand. One day I was out on deck when a shipmate of mine fell overboard. I leaned over as far as I could in a attempt to rescue him and as I extended my hand to him a shark took my hand off."

"My, you really did experience bad luck, the other responded, I see you have a patch over one eye, What happened to your eye?"

"Well, I was out on deck again one day and just as I looked up, a seagull that was flying over , unloaded, and got me right in the eye."

"My, My,(not real sailor talk) did that take your eye out? No, that was the first day I had my hook."

Are you suffering from arthritis? Read this!

Beauty of the Day

Real stupid

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"

The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail."

Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"

The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games."

The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"

The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said, "I brought these."

The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?"

He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."

Easy ways to reduce cholesterol

Being a woman

Beauty of the Day

What would you do?

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.

The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!

The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.

The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money.

HE paid for the Corvette I gave you.

HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.

HE paid for your season Pittsburgh Steelers tickets.

HE paid for our house at the lake.

HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!'

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do?

The cabby replies, 'I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold.'

The magnificent olive

How to snack the right way

Beauty of the Day

The Lexus

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen, and walked over to inspect it. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped.

Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed and hoped a sales person didn't pop up right now. But, as she turned back, there, standing next to her, was a salesman.

With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"

Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted simply from touching it, you are going to sh*t when you hear the price."

Chicken breasts

Beauty of the Day

Growing Tomatoes

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentlemen,"What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?" The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best.

One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"

No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

Beer roasted pork roast

Beauty of the day

Facelift

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $ 5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the salesclerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29."

"I am actually 47." This makes him feel really good.

While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your hairy walnuts for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47."

Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds."

Easy ways to reduce cholesterol

Beauty of the Day

Costume Party

Colin was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party. Then he had a bright idea.

When the host answered the door, he found Colin standing there with no shirt and no shoes or socks on.

"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.

"A premature ejaculation," said Colin. "I just came in my pants!"

Beauty of the day