I just wanted a copy!


The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.

“Need some help?” asked the secretary.

“Yes,” he replied, “how does this thing work?”

“Oh it’s simple,” said the secretary as she grabbed the report out of his hand and shoved it into the shredder.

Still looking confused, the man said, “Thanks, but where do the copies come out?


Beauty of the Day

What's for dinner, Mom?


A cannibal son and his father are out looking for food. They are watching people walk down the street. The son suggested a particularly plump woman and the father rejected saying that she is too fatty.

Later on the son asked about a very skinny woman. Again, the father refused saying that she is too skinny.

After a while the son pointed out a very attractive woman.” sure son" the father replied, drooling. “We’ll take her home and eat you mother!"

Beauty of the Day

Practise makes perfect


A woman called a neighbour to extend birthday greetings in a song. After she sang “Happy Birthday,” she realized that she had dialled the wrong number.

“No need to excuse yourself,” said the voice on the other line. “You need all the practice you can get.”



Beauty of the Day


The train ride


The feeble man came home from the first day on the job. His wife noticed that he was looking a little peaked and asked, “Honey, are you feeling all right?”

 ”Not really,” he replied. “I’m nauseous from sitting backward on the train.”

 ”Poor dear,” she said. “Why didn’t you ask the guy sitting across from you to switch seats?”

 ”I couldn’t,” the moron replied. “There was no one there.”



Beauty of the Day




Please Get Fresh With Me!


An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man.

When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset.

"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.

"I had to slap his face three times!"

"You mean he got fresh?"

"No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!"


Beauty of the Day

What is in a name?


The manager of a large office asked a new employee to come into his office.

 "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked.

 "John," the new person replied.

The manager scowled. "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority," he said. "I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, and Baker - that's all. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new person sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

The manager said, "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you..."  


Beauty of the Day

Crossing the road jokes


Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side!

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because they did not have chickens in those days!

Q: Why did the one handed man cross the road?
A: To get to the second hand shop!

Q: Why did the Rooster cross the road?
A: To prove he wasn't chicken!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I do not know - ask the chicken!

Beauty of the Day



After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife, and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he would just shrug her off with some bored comment.

This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes, and dribble running down the side of its mouth.

The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"

Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!"

Again, the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.

"Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home.

When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!"

The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my foot!"


Beauty of the Day