cute happy medley: September 2011

Cruel Boss?

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late.

Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.

Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself."

And the boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"

Beautiful women

Beauty of the Day

Back Seat Driver

A driver is stopped by a police officer. The driver asks, "What's the problem officer?"

Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."

Man: "No sir, I was only doing 65."

Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."

Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"

Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks." (The man gives his wife another dirty look.)

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt."

Man: "Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."

Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seatbelt."

The man turns to his wife and yells, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

The Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"

The wife says, "No sir, only when he's drunk."

Woman to woman

Beauty of the Day

Tickets, please!

3 engineers and 3 accountants are travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the 3 accountants each buy tickets and watch as the 3 engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are 3 people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train the 3 accountants cram into a restroom and the 3 engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

Beautiful women

Beauty of the Day

The idiot brothers

Jeb and Jethro live in the hills, about 5 miles outside of town. Jeb asks Jethro to go in to town to pick up some lumber. Jethro walks the 5 miles to town to the local lumberyard.

"Jeb says we're gonna need some 4 x 2's" Jethro tells the yardman.

"Do you mean 2 x 4's?" asks the yardman.

"Well, I don't rightly know, I better go ask Jeb" says Jethro and walks the 10 miles to the hills and back to town.

"Jeb says we're gonna need 2 x 4's" Jethro tells the yardman.

"Now, how many 2 x 4's will you need?" asks the yardman.

"Well, I don't rightly know, I better go ask Jeb." says Jethro, and again walks the 10 miles to the hills and back to town.

"Jeb says were gonna need about 40 of 'em" Jethro tells the yardman.

"Now, how long will you need them?" asks the yardman.

"Well, I don't rightly know, I better go ask Jeb" says Jethro and yet again walks the 10 miles to the hills and back to town.

Upon returning Jethro says to the yardman, "Jeb says you better give 'em to us for a while . . . we're gonna build a barn."

My beautiful body

Beauty of the Day

Marry me

Frank was madly in love with Susan, but couldn’t get up enough courage to pop the question face to face. Finally he decided to ask her on the telephone. “Darling! He blurted out, “Will you marry me?”

“Of course, I will, you silly boy,” she replied, “Who’s speaking?”

My beautiful body

Beauty of the Day

Nerd at its best!!

A guy was walking beside a pond when a frog jumped out and told him that she was really a beautiful princess and if he were to kiss her, she would make him VERY happy! He picked up the frog and put it into his pocket.

A few minutes later, the frog poked her head out and said, "Didn't you hear me?! I'm a beautiful princess and if you kiss me I will stay with you and do ANYTHING you want!"

The guy took the frog out and said, "Look, I understand what you are saying, but I am a computer programmer and right now I don't have time for a girlfriend,........but a talking FROG is REALLY, REALLY COOL!"

Ouma se Kombuis

Beauty of the Day

Doctor, doctor!

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."

"I know" said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."

Ouma se kombuis

Beauty of the Day

Ask a question and you will get an answer!

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"

"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.

"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??"

"I can't piss out of it," he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose!

Ouma se Kombuis

Beauty of the Day

Ransom for mommy

Vicky was at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect.

Her six-year-old son picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, “We have Vicky on the line. Will you accept the charges?”

Frantic, the six-year-old dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, “Dad! They have Mom! And they want money!”

Ouma se Kombuis

Beauty of the Day

Through the eyes of a child . . .

A nursery school driver was delivering a van full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties.

‘They use him to keep crowds back,’ said Tommy.

‘No,’ said Billy, ‘he’s just for good luck.’

Peter brought the argument to a close. ‘They use the dogs, he said firmly, to find the fire hydrants….'

Beauty of the day

Want children?

A couple, desperate to conceive a child, went to their priest and asked him to pray for them. "I'm going on a sabbatical to Rome," he replied, "and while I'm there, I'll light a candle for you."

When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple's house and found the wife pregnant, busily attending to two sets of twins. Elated, the priest asked her where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.

"He's gone to Rome, to blow that candle out" came the harried reply.

Beauty of the Day

Education at its best

It was the first day of school after summer vacation.

The kids had all arrived in the high school sophomore English class, and were chatting away, making new friends.

THEN…In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats.

The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids.

After about a minute or so, he spoke...

"From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom.

You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework.

Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter.

The first one is "gross"

And the other one is "cool"

Are there any questions?"

After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the room raises his hand, and the teacher calls upon him.

In a pubescent croaking voice, the kid asks...

"So, what are they?"

Beauty of the day

Town Meeting

A seedy-looking man was sitting in the first row heckling the mayor as he delivered a lengthy speech.

Finally the mayor pointed to the heckler and said, "Will that gentleman who differs with me please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city?"

"Well, Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."

Beauty of the Day

A seat madam?

A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenceless woman his seat," and she pushes him back onto the seat.

A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted again and refuses to let him up.

Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm two miles past my stop already."

Beauty of the Day

So We Helped A Skunk

So I'm driving home driving home from dinner last night with my wife, it's like 16 degrees out. Cold as hell. Icicles on your balls kind of cold. So anyways we're going around a slow corner and she (my wife) spots a baby skunk lying on the side of the road. Being the animal lover she is, I get yelled at to pull over and help the little guy.

"Fine, I'll stop but you gotta get out and help it." I say. So she jumps out of the car and picks up this baby skunk. Poor little guy is half frozen but still alive. She says, "What should I do?" "Bring it in the car" I tell her and we'll "warm him up".

So she gets in with the skunk and asks, "How should I keep him warm?" I tell her "Put it between your legs." She replies "What about the smell?" So I say, "Just hold his nose!"

The doctors expect I'll make a full recovery, but the skunk she used to beat me with died during the incident.

Beauty of the day

How to have a snore-free night

By the time a soldier pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere", he pleaded with a proprietor. "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, but he is an Air Force guy" admitted the manager, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you.

“No problem." the tired Army guy assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the soldier came down to breakfasts bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better", said the soldier. The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring all night long?" "No, I shut him up in no time", explained the soldier.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the proprietor.

"Well, he was already in bed, snoring away, when I walked into the room, so I gave him a kiss on the cheek" explained the soldier. “Then, I whispered in his ear 'Good night beautiful', and he sat up all night watching me."

Beauty of the Day

Make sure, even when you are dead!!

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex."

"But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied.

"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery."

Beauty of the Day

Save me please!!

From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.

"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.

"I've no idea. Every month when we pass, he goes nuts."

Beautiful Women

Beauty of the Day

Three Guys Fishing

There are these three guys and they're out having a relaxing day fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish.

Now one of the guys just doesn't believe it, and says: "OK, if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q."

"The mermaid says: "Done." Suddenly, the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzing it with extreme insight.

The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid: "Triple my I.Q."

The mermaid says: "Done." The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping all the scientists of varying fields: physics, chemistry, etc.

The last guy is so enthralled with the changes in his friends, that he says to the mermaid: "Quintuple my I.Q."

The mermaid looks at him and says: "You know, I normally don't try to change people's minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you'd reconsider. "

The guy says: "Nope, I want you to increase my I.Q. times five, and if you don't do it, I won't set you free."

"Please," says the mermaid "You don't know what you're asking...it'll change your entire view on the universe...won't you ask for something else... a million dollars, anything?"

But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his I.Q. increased by five times it's usual power.

So the mermaid sighed and said: "Done!"

And he became a woman.

Beauty of the day

Dusty Underwear

One evening a husband, thinking it would be being funny, said to his wife "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!" His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Hell is this?" he said to himself as a small dust cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

She replied with a snicker, "It's not talcum powder honey... it's Miracle Grow!"

Jenny Love

Beauty of the Day

What Not To Do When Forgetting Your Anniversary

John was in trouble, really big trouble. You see, he forgot his wedding anniversary and, if you're married, you can imagine what he's probably going through. His wife was really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" She was serious too, so John got serious.

The next morning he woke up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped, right there in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife threw her robe on and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house and opened in with much anticipation.

Inside she found a brand new bathroom scale.

John has been missing since Thursday.

Beauty of the day

Unique Short Bob Hairstyles& Haircuts 2009

These are some of short hairstyles which include inverted bobs,razored bob and blond hairstyles trendy in 2009.

short haircuts-concave bob hairstyles

Unique Short Bob Hairstyles& Haircuts 2009

Short haircuts are easy to maintain and they even look good on been girl in the teenage. So, get ready to pick your favorite short haircut for this 2009

bob haircuts 2009 pictures