Nude Gallery

A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the husband keeps looking.

The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"

The husband replies, "Autumn."

Beautiful Women

My Beautiful Body

Celebrity of the Day

A Blonde’s Flight To Chicago

A commercial airplane is in flight to Chicago, when a blonde woman sitting in economy gets up and moves to an open seat in the first class section. A flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must return to her seat in the economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde woman replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to  Chicago and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success convincing the woman to return to economy, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to  Chicago and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He kneels down next to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Chicago."

My Beautiful Body

Beautiful Women

Beauty of the Day

Layered hair styles

 

 The majority of these styles are stimulated by knowledge fictions, video games and Gothic culture.

 

 What about those of us in our forties with straight, thin, fine hair who keep it short-to-medium length? There are a couple of models with hair that length, but they appear to have very thick, nice hair that does what they want it to.

 

Short pixie can be treated with different colors for charitable it a crazy outward show. A hairstylist frequently employs a variety of styling apparatus for creating longer and shorter spikes.

 

Pleasing A Women

A new, special kind of store just opened up in a Manhatten shopping center. This store sells husbands, yes that's right - women can browse men from floors of choices.

Actually, there are 6 floors of men, and with an increase in the floor level bringing an positive attributes... a nifty setup - with a catch. As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a man from that floor but if you go up, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. Interesting, right?

So a young woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.

Beauty of the Day

Are His Lights On?

A brunette and a blonde were speeding down the street when they passed a cop. "Oh no!" cried the brunette. 

"Is he following me?" "Yep," replied the blonde.

"I'm going to drive down this little side road, okay?" said the brunette. "Yep," replied the blonde.

"Is the cop still following me?" "Yep."

"Are his lights on?" "Yep, nope, yep, nope, yep, nope..."

Beauty of the Day

latest celebrity hairstyles 2011

Celebrity Hair: The Fringe - Gwen Stefani

Who needs sunglasses when you have a big fringe to hide behind? Gwen Stefani heads out in LA, June 2010.

Celebrity hair: Karen Gillan

Doctor Who star Karen Gillan's face is almost completely hidden by her thick red hair in London on 7 April.

Celebrity hair: Kate Middleton - a princess in the making

Modelling for a friend in March 2002 at the University Of St Andrews, Kate Middleton wears grungy ringlets and braids on the catwalk.

Celebrity hair: Selena Gomez

With a silver clip in her hair, Selena Gomez promotes Wizards Of Waverly Place in Tokyo on 24 March. 

 

Celebrity hair: Tori Spelling

Tori Spelling adds body to her blonde bob for an appearance on The Today Show in New York on 4 April.

LATEST FASHION SHOW WALLPAPERS

LATEST FASHION SHOW WALLPAPERS

LATEST FASHION SHOW HOT SEXY  WALLPAPERS PICS

CELINA JAITLEY LATEST FASHION SHOW HOT SEXY  WALLPAPERS PICS

DEEPIKA -PADOUKON LATEST FASHION SHOW HOT SEXY  WALLPAPERS PICS

LATEST FASHION SHOW HOT SEXY  WALLPAPERS PICS

Tough Golf Shot

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."

Beauty of the Day

A Girl Murdered her Boy friend in Islamabad

19 years old Mohammad Kamran Resident of sector G6 in Islamabad went out to hang out with his friends. His own girlfriend (Maira) stabbed and killed him with Kamran's cousin and her Ex - boyfriend. They hid his body in jungle. Maira and 3 of his friends got arrested. Kamran was the only son of his mother. She is alone now there is no one to look after her. Mayb his soul rest in peace..

Pakistan army accuses US of ‘negative propaganda’

Chief Geneal Ashfaq Kayani

Pakistan’s army chief General Ashfaq Kayani vowed to defeat terrorism and rejected the notion of Islamabad “not doing enough” in the anti-Taliban fight, the military said on Thursday.

His comments followed remarks by Adm. Mike Mullen, the chairman of the US joint chiefs of staff, accusing Pakistan’s Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI) agency of having ties with Afghan Taliban in Pakistan’s northwest tribal belt.

The White House also criticised Pakistan’s efforts to defeat the Taliban operating on the border in a report this month refuted by Islamabad.

Marriage Counselling

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up.

"Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained.

"She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts. She communicates well and I act like I'm listening."

Beauty of the Day

A Cuckoo of a Night Out

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem p***d off in the least.......... Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times then said 'oh sh*t.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

Beauty of the Day

Sweetheart

A fellow was invited to the home of some old friends for dinner.

His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

The guest was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his friend,

"I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those lovely names."

The old guy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."

Beauty of the Day

Three Types Of Bras

A man walked into the ladies department of a Belk's Department store. He reluctantly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?” asked the clerk. "Type?", inquired the man "There is more than one type?". "Look Around.", said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras.", replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked, "Only three? What are they?" The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?".

Still confused the man asked "What is the difference between them?". The lady responded "It is quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

Celebrity of the Day

Silky long hairstyles

 

 This is the case with the alcohol-based hair sprays that will rather dry the hair than moisturize it.In the last few years short hairstyles for women have also become popular because many of the celebrities have switched over to short hair dos.

 

Take for instance curly hair that has such a tendency to get frizzy; many people feel the annoyance of not being able to style it properly and turn to relaxing solutions in order to make it more doable. It is advisable to choose the latest hairstyles that match such hair features and avoid the products that would be causing more harm than good to your hair.

Most of the latest hairstyles

 

 Casual sedu is a type of sedu straight hairstyle that people work hard to achieve. Despite the difficulties in achieving this hairstyle, it gives the wearer a fun and fresh look even at a casual day in an office. If you want to look sexy and sleek, the sedu flip hairstyle is a great option.

 

 Today the demand for new hairstyles, short haircuts and long hairstyles is increasing in the fashion world. Many outrageous and stylish short new hairstyles have come up both for men and women. Some of the most popular new hairstyles for men are buzz cut, spears, spikes, messy cut, butch cut, crew cut, league cut, medium fade, low fade, shag, graduation, short taper and bald.

Them Darn Kids and My Watermelons

A local farmer just outside of town grew watermelons for a living, and he was doing quite well but was being hassled by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch late at night and eat his watermelons. 

After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.

He made a big sign and posted it right in the middle of the watermelon field. The next day the kids show up to eat and found a sign that read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."

Feeling violated, the kids made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign, then ran off. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"

Beauty of the Day

Dead Daddy Long Legs

A little girl was playing in the garden next to her father when she noticed two large spiders on top of each other, apparently mating.

 "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a daddy long legs," her father answered.

"So, the other one is a mommy long legs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy long legs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.

"Well, we're not having any of THAT in our garden."

Beauty of the Day

EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Beauty of the Day

HOW NOT TO ROB A BANK

Pick The Right Bank

You don't want to make the same mistake as the fellow in Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money.

Study Your History

Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield, Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the townsfolk took just seven minutes to kill two and capture three of his gang.

Nobody tried again until 1984, and the customers chased the guy down. They're tight with their dollar, those Minnesotans.

Speak To The Right Teller

One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller, and her father, who was in the next line, got all bent out of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until  authorities arrived.

Don't Sign Your Demand Note

Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh... on an envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit. And in East

Hartford, Connecticut, on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's signature and account number.

Don't Advertise

A teenage girl in Los Angeles tried to distract attention from her face by wearing a see-through blouse with no bra while holding up banks.

Go Easy On The Disguise

One robber, dressed up as a woman with very heavy make-up, ran face first into a glass door. He was the first criminal ever to be positively identified by lip-print.

Take Right Turns Only

Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn into the Homestead Air Force Base, drove up to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a tollbooth, offered the security men money.

Be Aware Of The Time

Imagine the chagrin of the bank robber in Cheshire, Massachusetts, who hit the bank at 4:30 PM, then tried to escape through downtown North Adams, where he was trapped in rush hour traffic until police arrived.

Consider Another Line Of Work

Bank robbery is not for everyone. One nervous Newport, RI robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket, shot himself in the head and died instantly.

Be Strong

Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea, Massachusetts, who, when the teller told him she had no money, fainted. He was still unconscious when the police arrived. His getaway car parked nearby had the keys locked inside.

Beauty of the Day

A Really Bad Day

Ever had a day like this?

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.

The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him and the patio door shattered.

The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprights the motorcycle and pushed it outside.

Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.

The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.

The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm.

This story redefines what it is to have a bad day.

Beauty of the Day

Two blondes and a bus

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop. When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver: “Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?'' The bus driver shakes his head and says, “No, I'm sorry.'' At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles, and twitters: ''Will it take ME?''

Celebrity of the Day!

Crowd Control

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver, Colorado, for being smart and funny and making her point when confronted with an angry passenger. During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F--- you!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."

The crowd applauded - and the errors of United were forgotten in a moment of almost universal bliss.

Celebrity of the Day

Famous Sexual Quotes

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."

-- Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."

-- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"

-- Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."

-- Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

-- Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."

- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

-- Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."

-- Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

-- Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."

-- Robert DE Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

-- Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."

-- Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."

-- Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

-- Robin Williams

Beauty of the Day

Wife saves Drunk Husband

After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face."

"He's an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!", said John.

"You did. All over his suit”, Louise informed him. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him," said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday."

Beauty of the Day!

Where is the Manager?

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no" he replies.

"Can you get him for me? - I need to speak to him." she says, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly in trouble. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."

Beauty of the Day

What Would You Do?

A middle-aged man returns home from a business trip a day early, concerned that his wife may be having an affair. He's riding in a taxi at about 2:00 in the morning back towards his house, when he explains his situation to the taxi driver.

It's after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.

He explains to the cabbie that he suspects his wife is sleeping around on him, and offers the him $50 if he would be a witness to the affair, if he could catch her in bed with him. By the time they reach his house, the cabbie agrees.

They park a few doors down and, quietly, sneak into the front door and up the stairs. Then, with a burst of speed, the husband flicks on the bedroom lights and rips the blanket off the bed - and there his wife lies in bed with another man!

Out of his coat pocket, the visibly distraught husband pulls out a gun and puts it to the naked man's head. Just then, his wife yells "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited all that money!..."

HE paid for the Mercedes I gave you.

HE paid for our new cabin in the mountains.

HE paid for your Atlanta Braves season tickets.

HE paid for our Lake House and boat.

HE paid for your country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!'

Shaking his head, unsure of whether to pull the trigger, he looks over at the taxi driver and asks "What should I do?"

The taxi driver replies, "I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold."

Beauty of the Day

2011 latest hair styles

Through each season there are certain techniques that should be used through the style to ensure that you are maintaining the best care for your hair.

Homecoming hairstyles for long hair mainly consist of updos. The much common beehive hairstyle is a definitive updo you can wear on this event. Another choice is to have the messy updos. Unlike the formal updos that need a lot of excellence, these are easy to work on and give an really pretty appearance.

Trendy long and sleek hairstyle

Trendy long and sleek hairstyle is a wonderful option for women of all ages. Women who have healthy, shiny, and silky hair really look beautiful with long flowing hairs. Just a little curl or layers at the bottom make the hair appear bouncy that further adds to the attractiveness of the overall personality that gives an overall sleek appearance.